i dreamt of someone.
someone i never stopped thinking about.

weird how these memories would flood back to me in the form of dreams.
i stopped having dreams a few weeks back but suddenly it started again. could it be because i saw her?

hmm anyways i had just practiced a bit on the guitar and it hurts.
i got a tender heart and tender fingers.
they are all red for pressing on the stings haha! i have a feeling if i continue to do this they'll bleed.

talking bout blood. today's was ny's blood donation drive. i wanted to donate my blood, but i took sleeping pills la so cant. damn. anyway i was there with kamfung and mingfeng and i did this weird thing.
i stared at a girl.
the nurse was preparing her for the donation. then i saw the nurse pick up the anesthetic and begain pushing it into her arm. and then she stared at me. while i stared at her arm.
for a first time doner she wasnt that terrified. haha weird me, weirder girl. anyway saw the huge needle go in and the blood flowing out and i felt excited seeing the blood.
haha yup i'm weird la. maybe i'm a vampire! hahahahahah!

today's jacjac's birthday! happy birthday to you(:
well reminded me one sad fact. i got only one present for my birthday this year. wanna guess what it is?(:

AHHH!! i finally borrowed a guitar!! haha thanks yixuan!
okay well i spent the last half an hour or so tuning it and it's still not okay yet. ahh my ears have gone haywired from the high pitched lecturers at school *ahem hod of maths* and the long time i've not touched any musical instrument.
today i realised i havent touch a piano for a very long long time. gosh. i dont play the piano but as a choir member i touch the piano quite often. kinda miss the white and black keys(:
well.. onwards to playing the guitar. next on the agenda. learn how to tune with a tuning fork and borrow a tuner!(:

Lately i've been listening to some nice music. like songs from Secondhand Serenade and Faber Drive etc haha! thanks to Audrey for sending me those songs. they are great! anyway i've already heard them like more than a dozen times and they make me feel happier.
i think i'm beginning to get over it. it being my emo-ness.
i'm so afraid i'm suffering from depression. insomnia, changes in eating pattern and the feeling that all is doomed. die! please dont let it be.
well havent found a cure for my insomnia yet. going to the doctors to get a long term mc for pe (back problems) and maybe get some sleeping pills to help me sleep better.
maybe the stress is building up. less than 2 months to prelims. things are moving faster and faster and i'm worried if i'm able to make it in time. no. if i'm able to outperform myself.
expectations are higher. i need to start revising and studying.
practice makes perfect haha!
so many things to do now. econs essays are piling up and i gotta finish maths tutorials by wed. yup i owe mr leong the whole of statistics from S1 onwards. handed in S1 and S2. haha 3 more to go(: hmm so many geog tutorials dunno how i'm gonna go about doing it. it's like things are piling up.
well flunk physics really badly this time and make me wonder, i need to put in a lot more effort into physics. it's not that easy.
goals for prelims: A for maths and maybe econs. C for physics and geog maybe. need to brush up my gp too. sighs. 23 23 for both essays and compre so that 46/100 for gp pass but not good enough.
temptations temptations are everywhere. need to overcome all these. need to study now.
my goals are so much more complex than anyone's. need to work towards it. need to be sure of it(:
well everyone persevere for your exams. dont give up. never give up on anything.

insomnia is a weird thing.
i'm not thinking of anything but just feels really sad.
detached from everyone.
it seems everyone is busy with themselves and couldnt be bothered with me.
well didnt do well for midyears. got a U for physics which it seems most of the people in my class did. got a D for math which is not very good either. wanted to do better but restricted by my emotions.
i need sleep. i need control. i need...